Teaching Experiences almost a year as a Pro

“Jadi guru itu tidak usah punya niat bikin pintar orang. Nanti
kamu hanya marah-marah ketika melihat muridmu tidak
pintar. Ikhlasnya jadi hilang. Yang Penting niat menyampaikan
ilmu dan mendidik yang baik. Masalah muridmu kelak jadi
pintar atau tidak, serahkan kepada Allah. Didoakan saja terus
menerus agar muridnya mendapat hidayah.” Kyai Maimun

“Yang paling hebat bagi seorang Guru adalah mendidik, dan rekreasi yang paling indah adalah mengajar.
Ketika melihat murid-murid yang menjengkelkan dan melelahkan, terkadang hati teruji kesabarannya, namun hadirkanlah gambaran bahwa diantara satu dari mereka kelak akan menarik tangan kita menuju surga”. (unknown)

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu

2 kalimat bijak tersebut, sebenarnya sebagai penegur dan pengingat untuk diri ini yang kadang lupa bahkan tamak akan satu hal hidup di dunia ini.
Menjadi seorang guru, not my ambition. And i've never to dream about it. But now i am doing that. "Teacher.." almost a year I work as a professional teacher in SMKN 2 Kaimana west Papua. What I Feel until today? sometimes its really fun activities but sometimes its become hard for me. I am a newbie in this situation... found many new things, from students, government, school, and environment.
Sometimes if the situation its become hard, I always think to leave it, but when it comes easy I want making some new and creative activity in the school. I know its normal and maybe some of you have the same experience like me.
I feel sad when some of them are cant understand the lesson.. I try how to teach them with my best. I using some method, fun method, I try to become a good teacher with softness. But its not work well. I am sad and sometimes feeling despair.
I still have many deficiency in teaching especially in class management. They are too stormy, like to tease me. And I cant handle it. Sometimes I asking my self, can I become a good teacher? I just want to teach them with softness, I dont like to be angry,raise the voice... I really dont like it. Why its not work like I want.
Friends it just my experiences in the early teaching as a pro. I still have many times in the future Insyaallah..